Journaling

Express Yourself! Journaling Workshop, January 2012

by nan on 2011/12/05 · 0 comments

As we unconsciously let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. Marianne Williamson

Many people make a New Year’s resolution or pledge to start journaling. There is something about New Year’s Day that is fresh, giving you a blank slate to start over with. January 1 says, to me, that the old can be forgotten and forgiven, and we can make a new reality.

What better way to do that than with a journaling workshop?

How do you journal? Do you sit down every day with your journal and write about what you’ve been doing, who you saw, books you read or movies you watched? Do you feel like you’re in a rut? Do you need to dig deeper more creatively?

Express Yourself! is a 5 week journaling workshop designed to give you new ideas about journaling. While you explore new ways to journal, you will find out more about who you are and how you operate. Be honest with yourself, open up, and put your discoveries in your journal.

You will:

> write a self-portrait
> find the value in unsent letters
> use random words to create a journal entry
> write from a photograph
> create a journal jar

You will take these lessons with you as you continue to explore yourself through journaling.

The workshop will be held in a Google Group, which will be private. All conversations are confidential – nothing leaves the workshop.

I will post lessons on Wednesday mornings, and I respond as soon as possible. Conversation among all participants is encouraged. We learn and grow by opening up to others. I have made lifelong friends through these workshops! They are fun and expansive.

Testimonials

“Thank you!! I always get a lot out of your poking and prodding.” Sue

“I have to tell you again that I truly enjoyed this workshop and getting the feedback from you that I did.” Lisa

“I think of you often and always think about what you taught me.” Erin

“Thanks for a wonderful experience! I learned much — and have felt so much more creative!” Danielle

Details:

> Jan 11 – Feb 8 You can sign up until Jan 15!
> $75 payable through PayPal below – If you need to pay another way, leave a comment, and I’ll get back with you ASAP.
> When I receive your payment, I will add you to the group. As the class draws near, I will post some guidelines and ask that you introduce yourselves.

Thanks! I am looking forward to meeting you and working with you! This workshop is something you will refer to over and over in the future.

* * *

{ 0 comments }

Create a Writing Ritual

by nan on 2011/11/05 · 1 comment

My journaling ritual is very simple, but it works. I get my coffee maker ready at night before I go to bed. I open my journal and put it on the kitchen table with my pen.

In the morning, I get up as soon as I first wake up. I push the button on the coffee pot, pee, let the dog out, and sit at the kitchen table, where the journal is ready for me. I sit and write while the coffee brews, and finish up while I drink it.

Morning is my favorite time to write. My mind is fresh, I think well, my dreams are still alive. I write until I feel I’m done. Sometimes I go on for an hour, sometimes the garden or a fresh snowfall calls me outside.

I’ve tried writing at night, getting into bed to write about the day. It’s a good time for a wealth of information and emotions to spew forth, but more often than not, I was just too tired. Mornings are most productive for me.

For those of you who already write, you probably have a ritual. If you’re just starting out, experiment. Write in the morning, write in the evening, write in the middle of the day, indoors, outdoors, quiet places, noisy places. The point of creating a ritual is to get you to write regularly!

Go to a cafe every Saturday morning.

Light some candles. (photo: flickr alykat)

Turn on some inspiring music.

Write with friends once a week.

Write in a hot bath.

Go for a walk before you write. Or reward yourself with a walk when you’re done.

Set up your writing area before you write.

Again, find what works for you, because journaling is very subjective. It’s for you, so make it for you. Make journaling a regular ceremony that will make you feel safe and entice you to write deeply.

* * *

{ 1 comment }

The Tarantula Totem

by nan on 2011/09/10 · 0 comments

Creativity and Weaver of Fate

A spider totem teaches you balance –
between past and future, physical and spirit,
male and female.
She is strength and gentleness combined.
She awakens creative sensibilities
and reminds you that the past is always
interwoven with the future.

Tarantulas (and all spiders) are the keepers of
the primordial alphabet
and can teach you how to write creatively.
Her body is shaped like the number 8 and she has 8 legs,
which is symbol of infinite possibilities of creation.
Her 8 legs represent the 4 winds of change and
the 4 directions of the medicine wheel.

Spider’s message is that you are an infinite being
who will continue to weave patterns
of life and living throughout time.
Do not fail to see the eternal plan of creation.

Those who weave magic with the written word
usually have this totem.

Reprinted with permission from Lin at linsdomain.com

* * *

{ 0 comments }

On Forgiveness

by nan on 2011/08/27 · 0 comments

FORGIVE – verb – cease to feel angry or resentful towards (Oxford’s English Dictionary)

I just learned this. I always thought that to forgive someone was to cut the offender some slack, to let him/her off the hook, not quite to condone the behavior but to say, ‘It’s ok…’ when in reality it wasn’t. Kind of like turning the other cheek and not fully acknowledging the inappropriate behavior. These are actually some of the synonyms for ‘forgive’ in my thesaurus!

What I learned through studying anger and resolution is that forgiveness is the final step to conflict. The definition from the dictionary says it all. It is when you decide, ‘I’m no longer mad at you. I choose to let it go, to release the negative emotions I’ve had over this situation. So I forgive you.’ It’s for your peace of mind, your healing, your well-being. Forgiving is for YOU, the offended.

Forgiving does not excuse the behavior of the other person, it just says you’re done being upset about it.

Neither does forgiveness mean you should forget about it. We learn from negative interactions with others, so forgetting means there’s no lesson learned.

Forgiveness is not praise or approval, either. Someone acted badly, and that does not deserve praise. Neither is forgiveness permission to repeat the offending behavior.

Forgiveness is not about the offender at all. It’s all about the person that got hurt. He/she doesn’t even have to tell the offender they’re forgiven. It takes place inside. It’s a decision to let it go. It’s another personal decision to tell that person.

You need to truly be ready to forgive someone, though. You can’t offer forgiveness then turn around and be angry at that person again. If there’s a tendency towards that, then there’s unfinished business. You can’t double-talk – you have to come from an authentic place to forgive with integrity.

Do we need resolution to forgive? What about forgiving the dead who harmed us? Can we get resolution there? These are questions I don’t yet have answers to. Some people are capable of making their own resolution with conflicts in their lives. Others need closure with the person to move on. We’re all different.

But we all need to get to a place of forgiveness. Holding onto resentment is bad for our health. I once read that holding a grudge is bad for your heart. That makes sense to me, because underlying, unexpressed anger eats your insides if it can’t get out.

I once learned a system for dealing with past pain. It is based on the lack vs. abundance idea. Write a list of Thank you’s to people you are angry with. This is not easy to do, when you are mad at someone, but you start with little things. Maybe that person took you to lunch or made you laugh or helped you at work or home. The list grows, and you eventually see how much you got instead of how much you did not get. It will shift your perspective and allow you to let go of the resentment you hold.

To forgive is to help yourself. It gives you greater peace of mind and aids in having healthier relationships.

Who can you thank?

Who can you forgive?

How can you thank and forgive yourself?

* * *

{ 0 comments }

Facebook Pages for This Blog

by nan on 2011/08/15 · 0 comments

I’ve had a long history with the Facebook Fan Page. Taos, New Mexico Green Homes was born to promote this blog, green building and my real estate practice. No longer in real estate, I closed it in the beginning of the year.

For months, I have vacillated about starting one specifically for desert verde, always thinking I will stop blogging. I guess we all ponder closing up our blogs now and then. I have decided to stick with it for a variety of reasons, too lengthy and irrelevant to bore you with here.

There are two fan pages now:

> desert verde for green building, green living, gardening, farming, climate change, the environment, ecology and so on. I’ll also post other pertinent info you might want to read and share.

> Journal Inspirations for journaling prompts, writing exercises, discussion and support. I had a journaling website for about ten years. I closed it and started desert verde. In the journaling section of this blog, I am recreating the website. The FB page will be an extension of it with more quotes and exercises.

You can like one or both on the right side of the page. Please join me! Thanks!

Here’s a little nature to inspire you, the Rio Grande in October:

* * *

{ 0 comments }

Expectations and Staying Present

by nan on 2011/08/13 · 4 comments

Expectations – what makes them so painful?

We all have expectations. We have dreams, wishes and wants. When they are dashed, we’re let down. The trick to dealing with lost dreams is to move on quickly.

My daughter ran for student council president. She was sure she would win, but when she lost to one of her best friends, she cried and moped for days. Her expectations were up, and she was shot down, but she didn’t recover gracefully.

It’s natural to have expectations, and when things don’t work out, it’s natural to feel let down. We get knocked off-center, but it’s important to get back on center as soon as you can.

By staying with disappointment, we live in the past. We stay with the dream that has been shattered. So much energy gets wasted! Pull yourself back to the present and enjoy what it has to offer.

To live in the moment, to bring yourself fully into the present, you can’t have expectations or hope. To live right now, there is no future and no past. There is only the now, this very moment.

As you are reading this, notice the present. Feel where you’re sitting, what the air feels like, smells like, what the light is like outside, what sounds you hear. Look at your surroundings. I mean really look! With so much to enjoy in the moment, who has time for expectations and hopes about the future?

Two of my favorite books about staying present are Be Here Now and The Power of Now.

What do expectations revolve around – hope, desire, longing, fear?

Practice living in the present and write about it.

* * *

{ 4 comments }

When You Think You’re Done Writing, Keep Going

by nan on 2011/07/30 · 6 comments

November 2003

I was freewriting last week, whizzing along, thoughts spilling out of my black roller ball pen effortlessly. I was writing what was deep inside yet familiar, so it was comfortable.

Until I came to a part I wasn’t sure about.

I had to look at how my childhood traumas keep me from reaching for my best work and acknowledging that my work and self are valuable.

I stopped cold. Tears came to my eyes, I pushed myself away from the table and walked into the other room.

Phew.

There was something there I couldn’t touch. I couldn’t go any deeper, but I knew I had to look at the part I was resisting in order to grow.

Natalie Goldberg and her popular book, Writing Down the Bones, immediately came to mind. She says when we think we’re done writing, it’s just the beginning. If we ‘go a little further,’ we can touch something real, but we stop, because it’s frightening to unveil ourselves.

“When you stop yourself from going all the way in your writing and coming to a deep resolution, it’s not a dream you wake up from, but you carry the nightmare out into the streets.”

Think on that. It’s toxic to hold that stuff in. Put it on paper, expel it, let it go. Get the nightmare out so you can have sweet dreams.

I knew I had to keep going, but it took a day or two to get back to it. This was homework, so I did have a deadline. That was beneficial – I would have bugged off if I didn’t have to send it to someone. Then I wouldn’t have looked at my fears. Once I moved past them, it really wasn’t so scary after all.

What do you feel like when you stop? What do you think the consequences are of going deep? I always feel like the world will either crumble or explode. I get more scared of touching my stuff than of anything else (except maybe flying).

Last week, my world neither crumbled or exploded when I pushed through to the other side. There were a few tears, but it was a relief to wipe them away when it was over. I was still intact, and I gained some knowledge and self-confidence. I was empowered.

Why should we fear writing beyond the block when the benefits are so huge?

Next time you’re ‘on,’ as Natalie says, keep going. “Ride that wave as long as you can.”

* * *

{ 6 comments }

Demons & Thorns

by nan on 2011/07/16 · 0 comments

(This is part of a journaling newsletter I used to send out weekly.)

October 2003

I had a frightening thing happen to me recently. I was driving home one afternoon, and I realized my demons were creeping up on me.

‘Catarina is visiting,’ I like to say.

I took a fiction writing class last year, and we had to create a character. Mine has stayed with me, because her creation was so cathartic. Catarina is her name, and my paranoia/insecurities/demons is her game. Poor thing – she is a mess with all my worst qualities, but she is an objective place to put those things. She stands across the room when she’s bothering me, and when I send my demons her way, I feel a bit centered.

Except on this particular day.

I felt her lurking below the surface. I was on the edge of tears, afraid to open my mouth, and not able to find time or space to let her out with a good cry or a very long, powerful walk.

This built up over a few days (I was sleep deprived, too, which makes me vulnerable), and driving home, I became terrified of Catarina! My demons were taking control of me, and I was losing my power quickly. The worst part, though, was when I realized… I was afraid of my demons!

Oh God!

I burst into tears. Afraid of Catarina? Oh, please! Grow up, I told myself. You are old enough, wise enough and aware enough to know she is just an inappropriate response to a situation. You KNOW that, I silently scolded myself.

I couldn’t pull myself out of this downward spiral. Then I started beating myself up for letting it happen, and that exacerbated it. I felt out of control, and I was scared.

Until you learn to name your ghosts and to baptize your hopes, you have not yet been born; you are still the creation of others. Marie Cardinal

Yes. Yes. Yes. Things were finally in perspective when I found that quote at home.

Catarina is a throwback to my childhood. She is the creation of others. Yes, I created her, but she is responses to what happened (or didn’t happen) to me as a kid.

I’ve named her/it/them. I’m aware. I work hard to keep Catarina at bay, but she is still there. She is the unrealistic part of me. She is the past.

Sometimes I wish she would go away, but I know she will always walk with me. She doesn’t need to dwarf me, though. I need to embody her.

Your thorns are the best part of you. Marianne Moore

Thank you. Thank you for reminding me to accept those parts of me that I want to push away. We all have thorns, and they are what make us strong and give us lessons to learn. My friends and my kids accept all of me – thorns and roses.

As I dug around in the garden today, I thought about Catarina. She is not just full of negative qualities. She is strong, independent, capable of raising kids alone and of speaking up. She is the one who acts out, while I work to get past the past and live in the present.

With my thorns.

What you resist persists. What you look at disappears. Neale Donald Walsch

Write about your thorns.

* * *

{ 0 comments }

Wildfire, July 2003

by nan on 2011/07/10 · 0 comments

(I’m going through my old writings, and I came across this journal entry about the Encebado Fire on Taos Pueblo.)

Fire destroys that which feeds it. Simone Weil

It’s been very very very very very hot here. 90 is considered hot, but
it’s been 95. We’ve been eating fruit and popsicles for every meal, it
seems. Should I mention that we’re grumpy? No, I’ll just leave it at that.

On the Fourth of July, it was… hot, but a breeze picked up, the
temperature dropped to about 85, and rain threatened. It was raining in
the mountains, so we were hoping it would make it into the valley. I sat
on the back porch in the wind and watched lightning strike the
mountains. I thought, Yes, we’ll get some rain soon. My second thought
was, Fire.

About 30 minutes later I was inside and smelled smoke. I thought it was a
neighbor burning trash (very traditional here to burn trash outdoors in a
metal barrel – and very toxic, I might add…), but when I went outside, I
saw a huge plume of smoke coming from the mountains. Oh sh*t. A
wildfire. I thought we could get through one season without a fire.

The wind was very strong now and pushing this fire towards town at an
alarming rate. It had to be assessed before the Forest Service could order
fire crews, bulldozers and slurry bombers, though. This was also sacred
land on Taos Pueblo, so all decisions had to be approved through their
administration. While this process went on, we wondered what the immediate
future held. I wished I’d put gas in the car before coming home from the
holiday parade, and began to mentally pack up kids, dog, cat, food,
clothes, photographs and important papers. I hate that feeling, but we’ve
had so many fires in recent years, it almost felt normal.

The wind died down overnight into Saturday, temperatures dropped and the
humidity rose, slowing the fire advance into the valley. The wind on
Saturday afternoon (there is a perpetual breeze here) pushed the fire away
from town, thankfully, so no buildings or people were threatened. The
valley is now full of smoke, though, which is gagging me.

My mother, who is back in the hospital with very high blood pressure, is
worried that we are burning up in this fire. Her doctor (for some weird,
mysterious and stupid reason) took her off her anti-depressants, so she is
very irrational now. She watched CNN all day yesterday, and it’s adding to
her hysteria. I had to tell her we’re safe, but I actually was not
convinced we were. The fire seems to be under control, but the wind can
shift and change all that in a split second.

* * *

{ 0 comments }